Trouble From the Future
by FossilizedWater
Summary: A pink'hog from the future arrives, claiming to be Sonic's spawn. Meanwhile, Black Doom is back and has stolen Eggman's master plan, and Mephiles lurks, although how he still exists you'll have to read to find out. Contains non-cannon pairings (well technically Sonamy's only ONESIDED cannon, Sonic doesn't like her back in the games) so NO FLAMEZ!


A heavy-as-metal-that-is-heavy-(maybe-gold-that's-pr etty-heavy) prepubescent storm cloud ambled across a sky that spoke of blue frozen eyes from a blue eyed person that had been cryogenically frozen. Twinkling in glee, it made its way to the Angle Island, threatening to at any moment turn adolescent, then reach that dreaded point of adulthood where it could release its hellspawn load on unsuspecting victims.

~!~thisisalinebreaker!~!~!~

Meanwhile, in the zone known for its deadly cyborg fish, said deadly cyborg fish were planning a feast on the body of the blue'hog who had killed so many of their kind, back in his early days of selective mute-ism. At this moment he was under a rustling bush.

Said currently sweating and panting blue'hog, our favourite hero of course, was currently handing himself forward out from underneath a rosebush. Of course normally he used feet, but that just made matters too easy. After all, when you faced defeated a megalomaticalmathmaticmaticion on a daily bases, normal activities tended to get boring. He caught his breath.

Cleaning his running shoes, putting the left one on his left foot and the right one on his right, then buckling up the left one then buckling up the right one, using the golden buckle on each, he polished them for good measure. Realizing he had forgotten his socks, he came up with a most devious plan.

A while later, he was running around, jumping on the cyborg fish and eggpawns of Green Hill Zone, or as he thought a more fitting name Hill Grene Zone. Point is, when there was a loud strike of lightning that sounded like thunder, the he'hog was interested. It wasn't normal thunder: it was so quiet he couldn't even hear it, not with his ears anyway.

"MWHWHAHAHHWAHHAHHHWHAAAAA!"

"Eggman!" Sonic demanded to the sky that resembled a used elephant's pad (coz the lightning was red, btw). "Shoe- er, _show_ yourself!" One moment passed. Then another. Then several more. There was a pregnant pause, that was pregnant with twin pauses, at the very least. The hero began to realize maybe he had made a mistake.

"Well this is embarrassing." With a shrug as sheepish as a sheep caught with its pants down with its shepherd he decided it was a freak weather thingymagiceggsandsticky. He spin dashed some more mooks because he was bored, then because his nose was full of snot and no one's perfect, he started picking it.

_*FLASH*_

"What wazzat?"

Well, of course _I_ know, but I can hardly tell you since forth-wall breaking sucks and is overused. (NOTE: will NOT appear in the story!)

"Of all the flaws you could possibly possess for me to exploit, I always assumed it would be hidden bestiality or a secret relationship of the sexual nature with your highly-talented prettyboy of a sidekick." It was Dr Robotnik! With a photo of Sonic picking his nose! Taken by a camera!

"Bestiality? I'm an animal dude! Feral or wild animals don't count as bestiality for me. And animals frequently both mate with and eat their young," Sonic pointed out. Then he wacked his head with his fist. First mistaking Eggman for being there then not being there when he really was being there, and the having nerdy moment! He abruptly decided to stop watching the Animal Channel. "Not that I'm into cannibalism! Just say'in. I mean, I'm not some sort of crazied sicko who should be in jail!" Then the implications of the photo sunk in.

"Nooo! Why would you even do that! I've heard of stooping to lows, but this is bad even for you _Mr_ Eggman, cause seriously, what do you have a doctorite in? Cheesemaking! Being fat? You oranging fat people should run! Look at me, I've eaten 469 chili dogs today, and a half if you count half of the one who most of it I ended up throwing at Amy's eyes. And I look anorexic. Unhealthily thin actually, I should work on that. Maybe eat a few more fairy-floss vans. Anyway, there's no excuse unless you've got a gland problem - not even a grand problem, where you're just to grand and high and mighty to admit you're fat! Of course, most teenage girls make herselves look ugly skinny- it's okay to be chubby! Most celebrities- too skinny to be healthy, or have children, or even look hot. They just look gross a bony. Not even cannibals can enjoy themselves on a feast because they're all skin and bones. What was I saying? Right, Sonic says don't diet just exercise and eat chilidogs then work it of beating up Egg-shaped evil scientists! Ha! Anyway, point is Robotnik- Eggy where'd ya go?!"

He was gone. In his wake was a trail of broken hearts tinted a blue-y red and fallen tears so thick you could see the broken dreams. But that was okay because Eggman was a Horrible Guy (after all, his latest stooping to a whole new level had given Cream another sibling) and Sonic hoped maybe Robotnik would just die so Sonic didn't have to do the unheroic deed of killing him.

~!~!~!orisitcalledaparagraphbreaker?~!~!~!~

There had been a loud crash like a god sneezing on a large piece of sheet metal the size of ten Uranuses. (Or Ouranos's, if you went the Greek way (Greek way as in namewise, rather then gaywise)) Since Uranus (or Ouranos) was the size of the sky and the sky covers everywhere, everyone heard it at the same time but only those with the most chaos energy heard it at the mostest volume.

Sonic considered the fact that 'sonic' meant sound. Wondering about getting himself a cool alias, like one of Eggman's only cool traits. But the nickedname Audio didn't really sound impressive.

"OOPSY!" A pink hog'o'hedges landed in front of him. Grabbing his pepperspray out of his quills at a speed that would make any Woman's Self Defense teacher proud, he gave the pink'hog a good dose, enough to cause brain cancer in a pyschokinetic jellyfish.

"OUCH! MY EYES! THEY FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN SOAKED IN THE MENSTRUAL BLOOD OF HELL! THIS IS GOING TO GIVE ME SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! SOME PARENT YOU ARE! I MAY AS WELL START LISTENING TO LINKIN PARK RIGHT NOW! WHAT KIND OF FATHER ARE YOU?!" The flurohog collapsed and promptly curled up into a ball-like ball.

Sonic froze. It was a boy. A very faggoty 'salmon' but that didn't mean he deserved a fate Sonic normally reserved for his worst enemies and rabid fangirls! The phrase better safe then sorry only went so far.

**Oh _gods_**, exclaimed Sonic mentalishly in despair, poor pansy-coloured he'hog! A complete stranger, but the effects of Tails special brew of pepper spray were always intense, and Sonic doubted if there was even pepper in it. But a slow, agonizing death through the process of rotting, falling to pieces skin was not pleasant. It had to be sowed up with stitches and no anesthetic, as anesthetic only increased the pain tenfold until you felt like a proverbial mexican-walking-fish in a Chinese toilet bowl full of amigo acid and regular acid and prosthetic limbs while you where electrified with static-amber and had your eyes dribble down the inside of your body at mentally-disabled turtle's pace until they reached your large intestine and dribbled out there like a failed chest-burster alien. _And that made you unable to live, function, not be in agonizing pain, or watch Sonic be cool._

"Okay, I think I'm cool now, though do that again and I'm going to pretend to some therapist that you raped me as a small child. Although, that's kind of ironic considering the word therapist has rapist in it. The_rapist_. The-rapist. *girly immature giggle* Huh. Explains why Rouge has one," the pink'o'hog mused, getting up. His eyes were rather red (but in an ew-y way rather than a Shadow way) but he seemed alright. His teeth hadn't even rotten! It was a miracle, not even an abomination of nature like a human could survive something like that, but maybe the guy was part alien? In any case, Sonic was just glad.

"THANK YOU BABY TIKAL!" Sonic grinned, pulling the o'hog to his feet and pulling him into a long hug that went so long it seemed gay, but Sonic had been put off by the pinkhog calling him his father and didn't consider himself into either gender anyway so it was more in a brotherly way. Or fatherly way, though Sonic didn't realize that at first until the realization of what the p'hog had called him slowly sunk in.

"...Father?"

"What? I thought your father was polka-dot coloured, and I'M the one with that stuff you put in my eyes in my eyes. How could you pissibly mistake me as-" The pinkadude paused mid-sentence, his face as astounded looking as a feral tom cat finding out the queen it wanted was doing a mouse instead. "You're younger... that chaos control... lewhat...? OH ALMIGHTY CHILI DOGS, I LANDED IN THE PAST! Okay, quick explanation, I'm from the future, your son, the world's threatened by a God, of the Solaris variety, uncle Shadow's gone batcrap nuts and is eating all his litters, I didn't mean to end up in the past but it'll work better this way maybe if we can avoid time paradoxes, we need to-"

But Sonic heard no more. He knew the kid was telling the truth. He observed the kid, checking him out but not in a incestuous way because he wasn't a redneck or from Tasmania. He was Sonic's height, fifteen maybe? Although Sonic wondered who he was mentally asking this question. His future self maybe?

Anyway, point is he had super-long legs, and a green denim jacket zipped up at the front. But what really gave Sonic a near-heart attack (literally, if you'd had some hospital equipment plugged into him at that exact moment you'd know this to be factually true) was the fact he was fluro pink, and had green eyes. If he was Sonic's kid from the future...

"Amy. Moooooooooo!" The kid gasped, and Sonic fainted, hitting the ground like you'd expect a he'hog to hit the ground, his fur buzzing from static-electricity he was so angstfussed. The hard bash to his head was a welcome relief from the morbid reality.


End file.
